 Dear Friends,
Last year I had an interview for an MA course. One of the interviewers asked what I learn from my life experiences and how I use the understanding I gain. The other interviewer laughed and said: “You obviously haven't read Judy's books, she teaches from experience.”
That conversation came back to me when I was asked to write ‘a letter from the heart’. My heart is battered and bruised, a 19-year ‘soulmate’ relationship having ended painfully as those relationships often do, and I am in the process of healing. Not for the first time, I am in a place where so many people find themselves – and I use that phrase deliberately, for this is where I am rediscovering me. As I feel this is the place where I am meant to be at this moment in time, and I know that other people find themselves here too, I want to share being with what is.
It's ok not to be ok
Over the last two difficult years, I've been immensely grateful for three wonderful gifts: friendship, laughter and astrology, without which I could not have stayed sane. Friendship and laughter go together, of course. Laughing with a friend at the absurdity of what was happening, and at how inept the lies were, took me out of the fear and confusion that, I felt, were being deliberately created around me. ‘Phone a friend’ took on a whole new meaning.
Reach out for support.
You don't have to do it alone
I'm psychic. I know when things are not as they appear. But for a year I had foolishly allowed myself to be persuaded that the problems were all on my side. Constant calls from women and my partner's deep depression were, allegedly, all in my imagination. Eventually, it became clear that these were horribly real. It highlighted a problem I've seen all too often in ‘the New Age’. We've turned to gurus and ‘those who know’ to tell us how it is rather than trusting our own perception of reality, (something that the wider public has also done in trusting the politicians who took us to war on false pretences and, for the most part, against our wishes). So, one of the blessings I've received is that I fully trust my intuition again.
Know that you know
I've used astrology for more than thirty years, but never have I been I so thankful for it as during my recent second Saturn Return. Astrologically speaking, this is a period of reassessment of where your life is going. Is it on the right path, is it following your spiritual purpose, is it sustainable? I have to say, mine wasn't and I'd known it for some time, but had become trapped in believing it was what the universe required of me (an all too common delusion). This Saturn Return happens to everyone around 58-59 years old. In my case, it coincided (although I don't believe in coincidence) with the great transformer, Pluto, getting together with several planets in my birthchart. Pluto ends what is dead and should be decently buried, providing fertile compost for new growth. It did an excellent job in my case. Knowing what the process was, I was able to cooperate with it and with its innate timing. Friends pushed me to leave but I knew that, when the timing was right, the relationship would end and the karma of grace could come into operation. It worked perfectly. A week after my partner left I sold my first novel (a reworking of my past life experiences) and The Crystal Bible became, and remains, one of the best-selling mind-body-spirit books in Britain.
Embrace right timing
I've always loved the idea of the karma of grace. When you have done all you can, you can walk away and you won't have to go back into the situation in this or any other life. I found this comforting because I did not feel the need to allow my ex-partner the space to make reparation or for me to obtain my revenge (something my birthchart suggests I could easily get into). As I wrote in Hands Across Time, your soulmate is often a person who has come to help you learn a difficult lesson. I had thought this was about living with him. Now I found it was something else entirely. People said: "forgive him and walk away" but I knew it was about letting go at a very deep level. We had made soul agreements in the past which had to be dissolved. That led me into finding new ways of releasing (which will go into my Soulmate or Twinflame? workshops) and I am at a point where I can say, and mean: "Thank you for leaving." My intention now is to:
recollect in tranquillity
One of my most useful tools appeared in a meditation one sleepless night: a ‘virtual alembic' in next door's dahlia patch. An alembic is the glass vessel in which alchemists cooked the prima materia, the base materials out of which gold was distilled. Into this virtual alembic I tossed overwhelming feelings, the mistress who phone-stalked me when he dumped her (she fitted in most satisfyingly), calls from the man himself (and eventually he went in too), everything and anything that was fuel for my transformation was left in the care of Pluto but I checked in from time to time. The alembic expanded and grew ‘arms’ so that I could filter off what was ‘mine’ from what was ‘theirs’. At the time of writing, it is cooking nicely. But that didn't mean I rejected my pain. I stopped trying to make it go away, realising that it wasn't there to torture me but rather was a signal that something needed to be acknowledged. With the help of an empathetic therapist, I embraced the dark, sat with it and discovered what it was about, and allowed it to transform in its own time. Now, I keep seeing a glimpse of gold in the alembic depths.
Don't repress. Transform
I wish I could say faith helped me during this period but the remnants of my childhood notions of God were also stripped away and I am actively renegotiating my relationship with the divine, an exciting process. I know this is the perfect place for me – and for you too should you find yourself here. If you do, reach out. I'll be with you.
We touch divinity through each other
With love and blessings
Judy Hall
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