I have been healing for twenty years and during that time I have been asked many questions about my work.
When did you start healing? How do you do what you do? What is Bio-Energy? Can anyone heal? Why do I keep getting sick? What can I do to avoid being ill? What’s different about your work? Well, I’ve decided that it’s time to answer these questions. I have written ‘You Can Heal Yourself’ to tell you about my gift and my life, to explain what Bio-Energy is and, most importantly, to share with you what I have learned about the power and simplicity of self-healing. For now, let me tell you about my awakening.
After finishing my economics degree, I wanted to study for a Masters, so that I could one day become a professor. But, first of all, I had to repay the government loan that I’d taken out as an undergraduate, so I got a job in a marketing office. Not knowing then how my life was going to change, I got caught up in the role and started to make my way up the corporate ladder. I had a head for numbers, a gift for languages and a good business degree – all of which positioned me perfectly to work in the strategic-planning department. This was the job I’d wanted, and it also gave me fantastic experience to complement my Masters. I had great ambition, and I worked hard to get what I wanted. My hard work was paying off, and I was pleased with myself.
But it wasn’t long before this new-found normality was taken away from me. Something or someone wasn’t prepared to let me get on with my life. I wasn’t meant to be a businesswoman: I had a different future ahead of me. And so, one momentous day, I was guided down a road from which there was no way back.
I arrived at my office, and the day began as any other ordinary day at work: I got to my desk, checked my messages and started to plough through the list of phone calls and piles of paper. I was very focused when I was at work and was rapidly rising up through the ranks. Mid-morning, my colleague Faroq brought me a document that needed my signature – signing off contracts was one of my responsibilities. I took the paper, scanned it and scrawled my name on the dotted line. But rather than turn back to my desk and continue with my day, I was about to have the most incredible life-changing experience.
Some people say that having a baby turns your world upside down more than anything else, but I’ve done that and it wasn’t that disruptive. Others claim that the death of a loved one will change your life more than any other experience, and that’s happened to me too but with comparatively less impact. I suppose people say these things because they measure their experiences against their own personal benchmarks, and those people have never had to face what I was about to.
Faroq suffered from an acute spinal deformity that caused his back to curve very severely. This forced posture limited the movement of his legs and he was confined to a wheelchair. I didn’t know Faroq very well, but since I had begun working with him, I had always felt sorry for him. After all, to lose the use of your legs is arguably more life changing that having a baby. I had never thought or felt anything about Faroq that was out of the ordinary, however, so I have no idea why, on that particular day, I chose to help him – and to change the course of both our lives.
As I handed back the contract to Faroq, I was compelled to place my hands on his shoulders. I seemed to be controlled by a force other than that of my rational brain. I wasn’t consciously thinking about what I was doing. I was being guided by a deep instinct.
I kept my hands on Faroq’s shoulders for about ten minutes. He was becoming hotter and hotter and increasingly alarmed and had started gushing with sweat. It was pretty clear that he was uncomfortable but he wasn’t feeling the same pain as me. I was in agony! The pain came through my hands, rose up my arms and shot down my spine, and I was frozen – partly in pain and partly in shock. All I knew was that, whatever I was doing, it hurt like hell. I couldn’t take my hands away. There I was with this stabbing pain, completely unable to move. It was as if someone else had taken over my body.
After what seemed like forever I lifted my hands from his shoulders, the pain instantly disappeared from my body, as if someone had flicked a switch. Faroq stood up and looked at me in horror. His look said, ‘Who on earth are you?’ He was dazed and murmured, ‘I can walk. I can walk.’ He wasn’t shouting with joy, he was mumbling in shock. He turned his back on me, and once he was at a safe distance, he ran out through my office doors, shouting, ‘I can walk! I can walk!’ The realization had kicked in. There were no words of thanks, just mutterings of horror. I had just had my first healing experience.
It was only a matter of moments before I was engulfed by a mass of people. In those few minutes that I had to myself I struggled to pull myself together. It was as if I’d just had a dream or an out-of-body experience. I was so confused. I was paralysed. I didn’t have a chance to get my head around what had happened before my office was filled with my colleagues, all of whom were looking for a quick fix.
To this day I am still shocked by how they acted: everyone thought only of themselves. They jostled to get to the front of the crowd, and all I could hear was a jumbled list of ailments. ‘Seka, my back…’, ‘My arm…’, ‘Over here…’ By the end of the day, I had treated about twenty of my colleagues. Nobody asked me if I was all right – not one word or gesture of concern. Nobody even asked me what had happened – they all wanted a part of me. From that moment on, life as I knew it was over.
It’s so hard to put into words how I felt. I had no idea what I’d done or why I’d done it. I couldn’t understand what I’d become. Had I become something or someone else? I wanted to hide from the attention. I wanted to curl up and pretend it wasn’t happening. I felt like a freak.
The news spread, and the media were like animals fighting to get my story. Even my closest friends thought of how I could help them rather than how they could support me. I felt alienated from my body and desperately wanted to run away from my power. It hadn’t really sunk in that I couldn’t escape this – it was a part of me. I couldn’t fight it and I couldn’t run away. I had no choice but to go with it.
I feel comfortable with things I can understand, and I have always focused on the areas of my life that I could control. Even as a little girl I liked to feel that I had some say over what happened to me and that I was able to change things myself. But this power was something different. It was as if this first incident had to happen like this to show me who was boss: for once, I had no control and I had no choice.
Over the years following this first healing, I did learn how to deal with my gift and how to put it to its best use. I struggled to find out information and to fight prejudice and cynicism along the way. Throughout this journey I learned a great deal about myself and about how Bio-Energy works, and I experienced and witnessed things that I would never have thought possible. I’ve helped people rid themselves of mental obsessions, I’ve seen people cured of chronic asthma, and I’ve helped people bear children when they thought all hope was lost – and that’s just a handful of cases.
I realize that this kind of story is the ultimate cliché of an awakening. If you were to dream up a tale of someone discovering that they had healing powers, it probably wouldn’t be dissimilar to this. But I’m not going to spin a more elaborate yarn for the sake of drama, because I don’t have to. Cliché or not, the reality was dramatic enough.
From You Can Heal Yourself, © Seka Nikolic 2005, published by Sidgwick & Jackson.
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