 Besides being the owner of Piatkus Books, a publisher with one of the finest ranges of Mind Body Spirit titles you will find anywhere, Judy Piatkus is a counsellor, wife and mother of three children. Under her pen-name, Judy Ashberg, she is an author, too, and you will find one of her books – Lovers’ Wisdom – in our selection.
Dear Friends,
Last year my neighbour, Maggie, was diagnosed with a particularly virulent form of cancer. She is a lively 75 year-old, always well-groomed, interested in the world around her and a pleasure to talk to. But she hasn’t had an easy life. She was widowed in her 50s and during her last few years has been plagued with ill-health. Her two children are both married; one lives fifty miles away and the other is in America.
She was offered the option of chemotherapy. At first she wondered if it was worth prolonging her life as it wasn’t that marvellous. But then she decided that she had nothing to lose and that she would go for it. Her courage in refusing to give in to her illness, her bravery in enduring several weeks of chemo and her subsequent fortitude and determination won her the admiration of all those who know her and especially her children.
Maggie had not always had a good relationship with her children. There had been a period of several years when she and her daughter were hardly in touch. She had not approved of her daughter’s views and lifestyle and her daughter had felt rejected. Her son lived far away and called dutifully every month.
Now the children rallied to their mother’s side. Her daughter changed her hours so she could work part-time and spend one day a week with her mother, helping with shopping and cooking and household chores and just being with her. Her son began to call regularly, and committed to spending his holidays in England so that he could take every spare opportunity to be with his mother.
My neighbour is now doing very well. Miraculously she has celebrated her 76th birthday, a day she once thought she would never see and she is on the way to her 77th. She feels loved, cared for and cherished and has shared memorable times with her family that she would never have thought possible.
This is a story with a happy ending. But it might not have been. We are living in a world which – certainly not for all of us but definitely for many of us – is a golden age. We have an abundance of wealth – by which I mean not money but all the wonderful things that are available in life. Most of us have a roof over our heads and as much food as we want. There is no shortage of work and new jobs are being created every day. We have fridges, freezers, washing machines and all manner of labour-saving devices as well as telephones and computers for instant communication. We have entertainment and information on tap – television, radio, video, books, newspapers and magazines. Whatever our interest or hobby, a class exists for us whether it be a specialist form of yoga or meditation, woodworking, better parenting or creative writing.
But a recent newspaper report that I read revealed that growing numbers of people are taking tranquillisers and it is forecast that in the next twenty years more and more of us will suffer from depression.
It is an extraordinary irony of our times that never has it been so easy to connect with other people – and never has it been so difficult to feel connected.
When we are up, we are up. Life is frantic and we have money in our pockets, good health and lots to do. But when we are down – and it can happen to any of us from one day to the next – then sometimes we can discover very fast that no one really cares. The people in our lives may love us deeply – but they don’t know how to stop their busy merry-go-round of activities to really give us what we need.
We don’t want their advice as to what we should or shouldn’t do and we don’t want them to judge us. We need them just to stop and think about us as the people we really are. We need a small part of their time – not just the dutiful three minute phone call once a week or once a month – but a really decent chunk of time – so that we have a chance to talk and connect, so that we can both really listen to each other, not just to the words we are each saying to one another, but to the true meaning of what we really feel underneath. We need to feel nourished and warmed by genuine human contact.
Not all stories end as happily as Maggie’s. We may have known people all our lives but sometimes we never really give ourselves the chance to get to know them. And sometimes the people in our lives who we find the most distant or the most difficult may be the ones who we could have the most meaningful relationships with. They may be our parents, children, brothers, sisters, work-mates, neighbours or friends. They may be crying out to connect with us but simply do not know how. Sometimes they slip away in the night, leaving a gaping hole and a lifetime of ‘if-only’s’ and ‘what-ifs’.
Now, with cold January nights upon us and the essence of Christmas still lingering, is a good time to make resolutions. We may find that in searching for the hidden mysteries of the spiritual life, the answer may lie just a phone call away. You will get back just as much as you give when you know that your small efforts may have livened up someone’s routine day.
For who knows – one day we may be the ones sitting on our own at home and watching, waiting and listening for someone – anyone really – just to give us a call and remember who we are and that we are here.
With much love and warmest wishes for your new year,
Judy Piatkus
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