People often remain stuck in bitterness and sadness after losing a loved one, precisely because they are afraid to plumb the depths of sorrow and loss in order to be able to let go.
However, if we allow our bitterness and paralysed grief to deflect us, these can turn into forces which actually get in the way of our loved ones finding their own way in the spiritual world. It is as though we constantly pull them back into the past, back into life on earth, instead of sending them the encouragement and incentives to continue on their own path.
Helping thoughts
What we do with our own grief and how we miss them, the way in which we deal with this, certainly has its effect on their onward journey – either positively or negatively.
It is sometimes wrongly thought that we should not be sad at all, or that we should not wish that the other person were still here in our own life, close to us. But such feelings are quite natural and normal, and an intrinsic and essential part of the mourning process. The important thing is whether we hold onto these feelings, without working through them. We should try to have the courage to go through pain and loss with all the sorrow that it entails, for otherwise we may shut out such feelings and fail to resolve them. We could then become cold and bitter. Everyone has a choice in this, and makes a choice, whether or not they are conscious of it. This choice has a direct effect on the journey of the loved one in the spiritual world.
If we have the courage to go through this mourning process fully, we may find at a certain point that all our inner experiences have made us a different person: we start to think and see things differently. We become more sensitive to the pain and sadness of others, more conscious of life's meaning, aware of the silent guidance and help of God. We may feel something like: I would never have chosen this, and I would not like to experience such a period of loss and sadness again, but I feel that in the end I have achieved some inner maturity as a result of it. Finally we are open to the future again and released from the shackles of the past which prevented us from living in the ‘here and now'. We have acquired an inner strength which we can now pass on to the one who had died as a gift.
The best gift
This gift is possibly the best and most valuable one we can give to the other person, for it requires all our spiritual strength and all our belief to achieve and create it ourselves first. It is however more than worth the effort, for it opens up a new future, not only for ourselves, but also for the other person in the spiritual world and our relationship with each other. This gift gives the one who has died a new horizon and view beyond our imagination into the new world which he has entered.
Before going to sleep at night
We are closer to the spiritual world at night than during the daytime. During the day, our attention is (justifiably) focused on all sorts of things which have to happen on earth or which are matters of concern and require our attention. But at night we can cast off these cares, becoming more open to what comes to us from the spiritual world.
This is why the night is the best time to enter into contact with our loved ones who have crossed the threshold of death. This often takes place unconsciously, but we can also try to bring some awareness to bear on it. For example, you may be in bed, have read a little, then turn the light off and want to go to sleep. If you think of the person who has died at that moment, just before you fall asleep, this becomes a strength which passes directly to the one in the spiritual world.
The question is therefore: what do you want to pass to the person who has died? Of course it is best if we do not pass our feelings of loss and sadness to him, so much as our feelings of gratitude and trust. But how do you do this? You can do it by recalling memories of the other person, preferably some of the best and happiest memories that you have. Think of this memory while you lie quietly in bed, and allow the memory to pass through you in such a way that it becomes reality for a moment, so that you start to radiate warmth. If you do this, it is likely that you will feel a warm happiness and grateful feeling within you. Allow this warmth to pass right through you. With your eyes closed, look at this memory and feel it fully. Then let it go, and go to sleep. At that moment you have sent a message of love and gratitude, and the other person will have received and felt the contact of the loving warmth which came from you. You can be sure that the message arrived. Feelings of true love always reach the other person wherever he or she may be, on earth or in heaven.
Dream encounters
There is a chance that during the night you will dream about the loved one who has died – a dream which is more than a dream, because it actually is a real encounter in the spiritual world. This encounter is made possible by the gift of warmth and gratitude which you sent towards the other person from your heart, before you went to sleep.
Love is eternal, and even death cannot put an end to love. This is why it is possible to continue to reach and help our loved ones, even when they have entered the wider, further realms of the spiritual world.
From A Christian Book of the Dead copyright 2004 by Margarete van den Brink and Hans Stolp, published in the UK by Hawthorn Press.
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